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Health

Day 3 – Body KPIs

Most of my day job revolves around metrics, which is really just monitoring Key Performance Indicators – KPIs – to see where systems are going sideways. Since I now have a deep desire to understand my body more, I decided I wanted to monitor some KPIs for my body. While I end up gathering tons of datapoints, I mainly focus on HRV, resting heart rate, and respiratory rate overnight as these seem to be the most impactful to my overall wellness.

I use a few different wearables (and one app) to gather all these datapoints:

Whoop – An interesting, if somewhat expensive, concept. It’s a wrist band worn 24/7 that monitors a number of different KPIs but then breaks them down into Strain and Recovery. The key metric I watch with the Whoop band is my Heart Rate Variability (HRV), which is a surprisingly accurate summation of how I’m feeling, and it also measures my respiratory rate when sleeping.

The band also functions as a BLE heart rate monitor, but it is not the most reliable for that.

You can get a free Whoop band and the first month of service free here.

Oura Ring – I really like the Oura ring. The battery life is pretty tremendous for a ring (I get 4-6 days at a charge) and it does a fantastic job at monitoring my sleep. I will say though that, months into wearing it, I still notice it. It would be nice if the ring were a bit slimmer as the profile is juuuuust thick enough that I frequently notice it when typing.

Garmin Instinct Solar – I only really use this for two things: telling the time and measuring my heart rate, with the super nice feature of heart rate alarms. If my heart rate gets too high or too low, based on thresholds I’ve set, then a rather annoying alarm goes off. Considering my heart isn’t the healthiest in the world, this is a super nice feature that Holly really appreciates.

Oh, and the battery life is almost two weeks, which is absolutely phenomenal for a smartwatch.

Welltory – I really, really like this app. It basically measures your HRV in detail and then presents a very accurate graphical representation of how you are feeling.

I’d really love to get this consistently working with my Whoop band via BLE, but in the meantime I perform the measurements with the camera on my finger tip without issue.

In the end, I spend a lot of money on these things monthly, and once my Whoop band commitment is up (you commit to 6 months to get the “free” band), I’m going to have to decide whether to keep the Whoop or Oura. I’m not sure which will win out just yet…

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Health

Day 2 – Pills & Supplements

I take a lot of pills and supplements every morning now. Eighteen pills to start; six prescription and twelve over the counter supplements, all of which the pharmacist (from my nice large team of doctors) agrees with. It’s nice when my research lines up with actual professional opinions.

Then six grams of D-Ribose powder dissolved in my morning smoothie, and another prescription medicine every evening in addition to the morning pills.

I also recently started using full spectrum CBD oil every morning, and have noticed a positive measurable difference in my body’s KPIs since then. My mood has improved quite a bit since then as well, so something there is working.

When I type it all out it seems like a lot, but it helps when I continually remind myself that I’m a big fan of Better Living Through Chemistry and they’ll all help me live longer – some of them much longer – so I’m not really complaining.

Alright, maybe I’m just telling myself I’m not complaining, because I’m not sure I would know if I’m complaining really. I do like complaining at times though. It’s evidently a hobby of mine.

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Jeremy Writing

Day 1 – Writing & Smoothies

When I had my super happy fun hospital times in December I came out of them with the intention of writing more, doing more, and generally experiencing life more. While I’ve definitely occasionally drifted in that direction I’ve spent a lot more time working my day job than I really need to, and my off time has been spent doing more relaxing than anything else, including this past weekend. The weekend was great mind you – Holly and I spent the weekend visiting the farmer’s market, enjoying a quiet lunch in Edmonds, driving aimlessly (and damn the fuel costs), visiting a brewery for a slice of pizza and a beer, and watching some TV – but we didn’t do much else really. Nothing that I would have liked to accomplish was completed, which is sadly a pretty constant experience for me lately. Because of that Holly and I ended up talking late Sunday night about the need to get back to a healthier, more purposeful life, so we decided to make a mug of magnesium and ashwagandha dissolved in warm water before bed, have some of the CBN infused CBD oil we prefer, and planned to start back on the breakfast smoothie train.

After that, while enjoying my smoothie this morning, I decided I needed to write something daily. So I’m going to do that at least through the end of May, and then I’ll see if I want to continue it once June rolls around. I don’t know when – or if – this practice will ultimately end, but I am going to keep it up as long as I feel like it’s beneficial to me.

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Jeremy

Optimizing, but for what?

I was recently browsing Twitter when I came across a tweet I identified with.

Then I came across this reply and something clicked in my head. Loudly.

Being that I’d never heard of Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development I did some quick and admittedly shallow reading on the subject, which really made the whole thing resonate more with me. So while the subject itself was new to me (although they’re pretty similar to Kegan stages at a high level and the first four levels of Erikson’s stages are based on Freud’s theory of psychosexual development) my reading left me with the feeling that they’re mostly accurate, at least in how they apply to my life so far. Most especially when I think back on where I’ve been at various stages to date.

Which brings me to why I read the reply multiple times; my life is very different now than it was three months ago, in ways that tend to catch me off guard when I least expect it. There are concrete things like eating healthier and the fact that I can’t do as much mental math as I used to be able to, and there are also these weirdly vague things that I’m just wrapping my head around, like the whole “Why am I striving so hard every day to move a percentage point? How is this really helping anyone?”

Honestly I don’t know why anymore, but my job consists of tasks that are pretty basic for me so I am still getting up every day and putting in the effort, but it also highlights my long held (although stronger lately) desire to get out of tech and into… something else. I don’t know what just yet, but I’m concerned that I might be optimizing my life – financially, physically, and mentally – for a long term path I truly don’t want to take anymore.

All I know for certain at this point is that the rest of my life isn’t going to be centered around technology, that’s for sure. It will most likely be technology adjacent because leveraging technology to improve the human condition is where I’m beginning to find my passion.

Hence the question I’ve asked myself today: “I’m definitely optimizing my life, but for what?”

I’m sure I’ll find an answer eventually.

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Jeremy

Motivations

I was recently in a group chat about improving one’s life and someone brought up the subject of motivations for the changes I’ve been making in my life including no alcohol, much healthier food choices (easier on a low sodium diet), massively reduced stress, and in general taking a different approach to my life choices since I discovered I have dilated cardiomyopathy (DCM).1There is a good article on Wikipedia about this disorder.

As happenstance would have it, this is something I’ve been thinking about for the past month and I’ve come to the conclusion that my motivations most likely aren’t what people think they are2Note that a) I have not asked people what they think my motivations are and b) I am not 100% certain of all of them myself still. so I decided to try and put into words what has been consciously (and almost certainly subconsciously) driving the choices I make on a daily basis for the last month.

So, first things first, I have to say that I am not motivated by the fact that I died for a bit. It’s simply not something I’m worried about anymore; what little fear of death I previously had is now completely and utterly gone. I guess the best way to summarize my feelings on the subject is “Death isn’t really as bad as people think it is”.

So, now that we have that out of the way, let’s move on to what I know is actually motivating me for the various large changes I’ve made in my life, which I think are important to go over first.

In the end, there have only been three core changes I’ve made, they’re all pretty sizable, and all have been executed on in a very short time frame. There are also a large number of small changes I’ve made, but this would be a very long post if I went over all of them, so I won’t.

First, I’m now eating a low sodium diet. This was nowhere in the cards for me and was most definitely not something I was planning on. What does low sodium mean? Less than 2,000 mg daily of sodium intake.3I am well under this most days as it’s not that hard when you’re cooking at home. Some days I’ll go above it because I like the NHS recommendation of 2,500mg or less more. =) While this may seem like a lot, it is most definitely not. It makes eating out difficult to say the least, takes the majority of my favorite foods off the table for me, and unless I’m cooking at home generally relegates me to eating things that quite simply don’t have much flavor.4Yes, I’m aware that I can use other spices and that there are salt substitutes. They’re even tasty sometimes and I’ll stick with most of them going forward. That said, I in no way prefer anything I have found so far.

I do have to point out that there is one big benefit of a low sodium diet to date and that is a newfound love affair with fruits and yogurt. I’m thankful for that and can’t see this ever changing in my life. Seriously, if you don’t eat a lot of fruit give it a shot.

The second big difference is that I’m not drinking alcohol. While this was a sizable change for me, I was already moving forward with drastically cutting my alcohol intake5I highly recommend Sunnyside. I cut my drinking back over 60% without major effort in a ~18 month period and was on track to hit my goal of normal social drinking sometime in late summer 2022. so this was simply accelerating that change. It was surprisingly easy and, looking back, I don’t think that going into cardiac arrest and dying for a few minutes had anything to do with how easy it was. I’d been moving towards drastically cutting back alcohol anyways, this just accelerated the change and then I decided to keep going once I’d crossed the finish line.6It’s actually not harmful to drink small amounts of alcohol with DCM, but it slows things down on the healing side and I don’t miss alcohol itself, so I’m completely abstaining at the moment. Given that the root cause of my DCM is likely tied to a thiamine deficiency caused by drinking heavily for about 15 years, this isn’t really a bad thing either.

I have to say that I do enjoy not drinking at the moment. On any given day I have more energy, more focus, and am generally more present than I used to be. It’s a nice change as I honestly can’t remember the last time I went this long without even a single drink and I’m super glad I know what baseline me is like in my 40s. I like that person.

That said, I do miss the ritual itself. I miss mixing cocktails. I miss wine tasting. I miss meeting my wife for a beer at the brewery after work. I’m trying to fill part of that gap by experimenting with mocktails, frequently with THC or CBD tinctures. I’m also enjoying sampling various non-alcoholic beers7NA beer has come a loooong way and there are many I prefer to regular beer., mimosas with non-alcoholic champagne8I do not prefer these really, but they’re good enough that I wish I had known it was an option. I’ll keep drinking these forever as they’re much, much healthier for you, but it would be nice to have a champagne based one every now and then., and I also drink a likely excessive amount of tonic water and buy limes by the bag now.

The last big change I’ve made is also the only one I’m really, truly happy about: I’m spending more time with my family and less time working, which has massively reduced my stress level. We eat candle lit dinners every night and talk about our days, I have good conversations with my children and have even learned some new things about them, and I feel vastly more connected to them than I used to be. I don’t have anything negative to say about this change and I plan to keep us stocked in candles until the next time I die. I won’t ever go back to what I was doing before.

Now that I’ve typed all that out, I shall come to the point of this long winded blog post: What motivates me to keep up with the changes I’ve made.

To boil it down, the things that are combining to motivate me are, in no particular order:

  • I am truly enjoying becoming closer to my family. I’m glad I’m still here to do that.
  • My Athena girl would miss me and have no idea why I left if I were to die again.9There is a quote about dogs I like, that I can’t find right now, that goes something like “They’re a small part of your life, but you’re all of their life.” This is true.
  • I was thoroughly enjoying my life before all this and would have died happy. I do not enjoy my life as much anymore and desire to enjoy it as much as I used to.
  • The condition I have is frequently reversible through diet, exercise, and medication.

So in the end I’m simply doing whatever is necessary to try and reverse this so I can hang out with my family for many years to come, play with my dogs, go experience nice restaurants every now and then without having to worry about what’s in the food, go dancing with my wife, enjoy a food truck and a beer every now and then, and generally live a somewhat normal life again.

If I have to take 17 pills a day10No, that is not an exaggeration. It is, in fact, how many pills I take every day currently., eat the blandest food known to man, and get blood tests on a weekly basis for years on end? Sure, I’ll dig in and live that life for as long as I need to. I’ve had harder times in my life for sure.

Do I enjoy some of the changes I’ve made? Hell yeah, and I’ll keep a good number of them regardless of what the future brings for my health. I won’t ever give up eating candle lit dinners and talking about my day with my wife, nor will I go back to working as much as I was. I won’t ever start taking time for granted again.11I am supremely bothered when people don’t have a sense of urgency now. Life is short, move faster. However, I do want some things back from my old life, namely the ability to go eat at a food truck once a week and wash it down with a microbrew.12This is, by far, what I miss the most. I can’t really even put it into words how much I miss it, beyond letting you know that it isn’t really the food or the beer that I miss and, no, there isn’t a substitute I’m willing to accept. Time will tell if I can accomplish my goal but I’m putting in the work, have my motivation firmly nailed down, and I really haven’t ever accepted no for an answer.

Categories
Jeremy

New Beginnings

Recently I went into cardiac arrest and died for a bit. I’ll eventually write about it in detail but to say it’s a difficult thing to process is an understatement. For now, I’ll classify it as a unique experience.

The biggest benefit of all of this is that I now have an excellent opportunity (and excuse, which I frequently need) to redesign my life. Over the past two decades I’ve unconsciously diverged from my primary interest and joys in life, focusing on technology and income instead of focusing on the creative energies I have always possessed but rarely exercised.

In coming weeks, months, and years I aim to write more, create more content that I enjoy, and in general focus my life on things that matter to me and I will be using this blog as an outlet while I process the massive changes that I am implementing. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.